The Fantasy of Romance

Post 4 of 4 in our Realities & Fiction of Romance Series

For the last installment on our Realities and Fictions of Romance series I thought it fitting to ask my husband to chime in. A male perspective on this thing called romance could only be helpful in giving us a fuller idea of how romance looks and how it is practiced in a relationship. So without further ado I share with you Andy’s words on the subject:

Romance is an interesting word isn’t it?  It just conjures up so many ideas and visions in people’s minds.  Very different ideas.  I would especially believe that to be true if there was a sociological study done on this (and perhaps there has been, who knows?) regarding different people’s ideas on romance, depending on their gender, age, marital status, years of being married to one partner versus more than one, and the comparisons could go on and on.  Romance can simply take so many different forms depending on the lens or perspective through which each individual views it.  Oh, how we love the idea of romance!  Consider how pop culture pushes and promotes the gushy, butterfly stomach, warm fuzzy romance at every opportunity.  Our society really sets itself up for real, deep-rooted disappointment if that is the only version of romance to be considered “real” or “acceptable”.

The Fighting of Romance

Post 3 of 4 in our Realities & Fiction of Romance Series

couple-argueGenerally, my kids get along pretty well. Despite their three year age gap they seem to be one of each other’s preferred companions. However, just as all siblings, they also know how to push each other’s buttons and can get screaming mad at one another as well. They know what to say to hurt each other; they know the sensitive spot, and the vulnerable place.

Over the years I’ve stressed to both of them how important it is to protect the trust and bond they have. Making sure not to take public things that are private to the other, things they have the privilege to know precisely because of that trust. No getting mad at one other and then telling those private things to people at school. No revealing the vulnerable places of the other in the ‘heat of the moment.’ I try to instill in them the seriousness of protecting their relationship because if they lose their trust for each other they may forever lose the beautiful bond they have.

The Feelings of Romance

Post 2 of 4 in our Realities & Fiction of Romance series

Romance movies tend to hook me most because of the new relationship interactions—the smile, the look, the playfulness and banter of the couple as they get to know each other. I hate to admit it but the whole thing brings a cheesy grin to my face!

I also look forward to those moments when they figure out they care for one another, when they discover they still love each other after a long time apart, or when they understand their irritation with the other has become a much different feeling. Ahhhhh, these stories create a wealth of good feelings…too bad the reality let-down afterwards can leave us with a depression hangover.

This hangover includes the wistful thinking about times long past or times never been. Longing for spark and sizzle and…basically a time when both realities revolved only around each other.

Stories like these are based on someone’s experience; only the experience has been organized and added to for the storytelling effect. Therein lies the problem—we don’t live an organized experience; we live it messy and confused, sometimes not understanding what we are living until it’s done. Life is distracting and complicated–very rarely ever tied together with a pretty bow. Movies make it look so clean and neat and obvious, reality is anything but those.