The last couple of weeks we have been talking about what we wrestle with in life. Realizing that life is a wrestling match and it’s about what we learn and how we grow in the process.
I think there are two more things that everyone wrestles with at one time or another—the past and the future. We will talk about the future, well…in the future…but for the present let’s face the past.
Facing the past…for some this might not be hard. My husband, for example, hasn’t ever given much time to processing the past except to be thankful for it. He doesn’t need to. For the most part his growing up life was the peaceful, stable, quiet solidarity of a work with your hands kind of family. There isn’t much that needs processing. Facing the past for me, however, is a different story.
A little over a week ago we talked about how we fight to earn our own value realizing what we are fighting is really our need for love. The need for love is difficult to admit because it makes us vulnerable. Many hate to need anything from anyone and their experiences have shown them that you can’t depend on others to meet your needs anyway. But the need for love clamors to be met however intense our attempts to ignore it may be. So we are stuck fighting with our need for love until it finds its filling, drives us crazy, or we are dead.
Am I valuable? Am I VALUABLE?
Maybe you’ve never worked out what the question is you are asking yourself as you wrestle with life. Maybe you just know the ache? Maybe you just know the restlessness you feel chasing the next thing? But through all the pain, emotion, and angst this question pounds the beating drum of your heart…AM I VALUABLE?
I had every intention and plan to write a back to school series right now talking about the lessons we can help our kids learn through school. I hopefully will write it at some point…but at this point, right now, I would feel like a fraud trying to ‘share’ wisdom or insight with anyone. I’m not really in the best head space to sound like I have any answers to give you at the moment.
I never intended to sound like I had answers anyway. Ideas, yes…Thoughts, concerns and questions, yes… But not answers. At least not in the sense of cut and dried, black and white, concrete ways to solve a problem. Mostly I write to share the things I’ve thought about, the things I wrestle with, the desires I have for myself and my family, along with the frustrations I’ve encountered trying to accomplish those desires.
I used to be someone who wanted to have the answers. Someone others could depend on but who didn’t need to depend on anyone. Someone who had it ‘all together.’ Perhaps old habits linger and I still come off as a “know it all” however I stopped a long time ago believing or even wanting to have it “all together.”