So…today is the day…the BIG 4-0 has struck! I’d like to tell you it no longer seems so bad, but I can’t. I can say I no longer feel panicked or depressed about it and I’ve given up pouting. I think I’ve been holding my breath and after today I’ll let it out, settle into my 40s and forget the fuss I made.
I don’t like getting older…however, as I see the remodeling God is doing in my heart and life I’m becoming excited about what the future may hold!
In a book I recently read there were two female characters talking about who had power in their relationships. The main character, D.J., had overcome a rough history to become strong, able to fight and protect herself, determined and…afraid. Afraid to be vulnerable, weak and to trust. The other character, a friend, was a true girlie girl with flowing skirts and a free spirit. This scene starts with the friend, Rebecca, saying,
“Oh, please in this relationship I am the powerful one.”
D.J. nearly fell over in shock. “What are you saying? You’re a…a…girl.”
“I’m a woman who is content with her life and her place in the world. There isn’t anyone more powerful than that.”
D.J. understood. Rebecca lived her life out of love and hope, while D.J. existed in fear.
At 40 I want to be that woman content with her life and her place in the world. I want to live my life out of love and hope, without fear holding me back. I believe I’m ready. This last year of battling self-esteem killers, wrestling with life and facing 40 has worked me through the final process of letting go and looking forward…looking forward to life after 40.
I worry sometimes that these blog posts come across as self-absorbed…I certainly do talk about myself a lot! My goal, desire and purpose is to be honest with you about what an unfinished, messy life looks like. Sharing my struggles, what I wrestle with, reflect on and process as growth works its way out in my life, in an honest attempt to show you it’s neither clear cut nor easy, but ever so worth it. A life spent allowing God to grow you is far more meaningful and enjoyable than one spent stuck. I don’t know what my future holds, but I do hope it continues to involve encouraging you to live and love and learn and grow in understanding yourself, others and God so you can live the full life God intended you to have! As we enter our third year together I am thankful to have you along for the journey.